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Thursday, 25 April 2019

Why You Wont Find A Naughty Step In Our Home

When it comes to being a parent, there really is no manual. I am not a big fan of labelling the way someone parents either. I just don't believe you can label a parenting style because we all parent the best way we can, the only way we can and you cant label that. Every parent and every child is different and therefore our parenting styles will differ too!

I have always doubted my parenting up until about two years ago when I really felt able to ditch a label, ditch any pressure and say actually this is me, I am who I am and these are my children. I parent the way I do because of what I believe and how I want to raise my children, and do you know what that's ok. We don't have to conform to a parenting label or style, we don't have to all agree to how others parent because the only kids we are raising are our own, the only house we live in is our own and the only parenting style I ever want to be labelled with is my own unique style.

That's why today I wanted to talk to you about something that I know quite often divides parents, the naughty step or time out. I haven't written this post to bash other parents or to tell anyone their way is wrong. I just want to talk about why I parent the way I do and if that lets just one parent know its ok to parent the way you want then that feels pretty good to me.

There is no "naughty step" or "time out" corner in our home. Nobody is ever sent to their bedroom or "sent away" because of their behaviour. Instead we choose to talk it out, of course the option to go to their bedroom, for time alone or to calm themselves down is always there but its not something we would demand our children do.


We also choose to try and limit our use of the word "no" and when it is used at least trying to follow it up with a reason why this might be the case. Can you imagine if you did something wrong in work, something you hadn't realised was wrong. Then your boss came marching over shouting NO at you and then demanded you leave the office, sit on a step alone to contemplate what exactly it was you did wrong? You wouldn't like it right? In fact actually you would probably be pretty angry and upset right? Well our children feel the same!

Sending them away to a time out corner or naughty step only isolates them further, it makes them feel alone with no reason as to why. Instead I choose to focus on talking to my children, explaining why what they have done or said may not be "right", explaining how it made me or someone else feel and asking them to explain how they are feeling.

Empathising with their feeling, after all this is a big wide world and they are such tiny little people, still learning about how things work and still grasping the world that we have had so many more years to learn about.

I don't know about you but I will be 30 next year, 30 long years I have spent on this planning. As a child growing up, as a adult learning about the world and as a mother to two children, but I am still learning. Every day I learn something new, I discover something I hadn't seen or heard or known before. I still marvel at beautiful new places we discover, still smile at new facts I learn and still make mistakes all the time!


Yet here we are, those adults still learning, still making mistakes, punishing our children by isolating them, belittling them and sometimes even scaring them all for making a mistake or getting something wrong.

Mums, Dads, Grandparents anyone who looks after or cares for a child, I get it! I'm not writing this to preach to you about the way you parent or how you care for your child, that is totally your business. But I am writing this because I want people to know the reasons why I parent my child the way I do. It isn't because I "can't be bothered" with punishing them or because I am "lazy". It most definitely isn't because I don't care or I am looking for an "easy life". Children don't need punishment they need love, compassion and time, time to learn, explain and to be able to express themselves and their feelings.

In fact its the opposite its because I want what most parents want for their children, happiness and as a parent you have to parent whatever way you can to ensure that you and your children can be happy.

I want to raise my children to smile at the simply things, to stand their ground and know what they want. I am raising my children to ask questions without being too afraid of getting it wrong or shushed into a corner. I want my children to be proud of exactly who they are, not punished into being someone they aren't. And if that means that sometimes we leave the house with the kids in questionable outfits or pjs, or spend an evening hugging out our problems then so be it.

I never want my child to fear me, I never want my child to feel alone and I never want my child to feel like they can't express their feelings. Yes sometimes it is hard work, yes sometimes I want to cry or scream or hide in the bathroom with the biggest chocolate bar I can find. But I trust in the fact that in time, as my children grow they will never fear being sent away or being isolated for expressing an opinion or feeling angry/sad. Instead I hope that they will be able to talk through those issues and maybe even help others to talk through their problems too.

So that is why you will never find a naughty step or time out corner in our home.

xXx


8 comments:

  1. Parenting is such a minefield, what works for one set of parents may not work for another

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  2. We don't have a naughty step in our house either but each family is different and so are children so I just try and respect how each family decides to parent as it's such a minefield

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  3. Parents know their children the best, and they know what will work or won't work for their own children.

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  4. It's so hard to know what to do as a parent. Talking is often a great solution although don't always work.

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  5. Parenting is personal. It usually works in different ways for all of us. Good you have discovered what works for your family.

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  6. I agree with some of what your saying completely . We all have our own ways and what’s best for us don’t we . This parenting game is hard work :)

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  7. There is so much to learn when you become a parent! I parent my twins very differently from my first born and I think it shows in the way they deal with things.

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  8. I prefer the talking to approach too, getting down to their level and using age appropriate language

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