Tuesday 22 September 2015

My reality of being a stay at home parent.

Before I start I would just like to say this isn't a post about bashing a person about the way they parent. It isn't a post about which way is best it is just my thoughts as a stay at home mum! As mums we all make decisions that are best for our families at the time whether it be staying at home or going to work.

From the outside it may look like I have it pretty good. My husband goes off to work whilst I get to stay home and look after the kids.

I have all that precious time with my babies and don't get my wrong I feel so truly blessed to be able to have that time and that connection with them. However its not all days at the park and sunshine, sometimes I feel totally lost in my world of being "mum". My days are often ruled my meal times, nap times, tantrums and school runs and whilst it is extremely rewarding it can be lonely sometimes too.

I miss the conversation with actual adults, now don't get me wrong I do see other adults, I have conversations with other adults. However these are usual "play dates" with our children and our conversations are more rants about how little sleep we have had as we try and dislodge our child from the ball pit they have become stuck in at the soft play, or a half-hearted conversation which can barely be heard over the screams of your over tired, possibly hungry child.

I am also always wondering whether I am doing a good enough job! This may sound silly but at work if your doing well or not so well you get told and you know about it, you can put it right and get back on track. However being a stay at home mum means I don't really have that reassurance which certainly makes way for the insecurity and doubt in my parenting abilities. Sometimes I just want someone to tell me im doing OK or my children are right on track.

Being a stay at home mum can be lonely! Whilst I am sure people have visions of us stay at home mums visiting parks and soft plays in large groups all having a coffee and a get together that's really not very realistic, well for me anyway. In the early days I spent most of my days in the house, alone and counting down the hours til my husband got home from work just for a bit of company.

Of course don't get me wrong I adore being able to be at home with my children, watching them hit their milestones and being able to watch them grow and I am extremely grateful for that, it can be and really is so rewarding. I have met some fantastic other mummy friends and if I could give anyone one bit of advice it would be to push yourself to get out to baby groups/ parenting meet ups etc, you will be surprised at how much better you can feel talking to other mums and realising you are not alone in how you feel.

I just want people to realise its not always as good as what it may seem. Being a stay at home mum can be a lonely, daunting and stressful job too!.

Are you a stay at home mum? Do you have any tips for other mums?



  1. I can relate to this post 100% as I'm a stay at home mum too.

    I'm so glad you've written this as it's exactly how I feel and mentions all the thoughts and questions I have about it.

    I think a lot of people think it's a walk in the park staying at home with your children. I find it really, very difficult sometimes as it is lonely and lots of days merge into one. But I have to say that I'm so happy that I get to spend all my time with my little boy and I know I'll never miss his milestones.

    I also don't drive and live somewhere that we don't know many people and we have no family close by. I'm painfully shy so find it hard talking to other mums and parents. Saying that though we go to lots of toddler groups and I'm hoping that we'll be able to make friends along the way so it's not so lonely.

    There is always for lovely parenting blog community to help you through the difficult moments.

    Thank you for sharing your post 😊

    Laura x

  2. I was never cut out to be a stay at home mum and admire all the mums who do it. I do miss out on a lot being a working mum and I hate it but I chose to work. My sister is a stay at home mum and keeps herself busy with toddler groups and meeting up with other mums and now the baby is going to nursery of a morning she goes out for some adult time! I bet you are doing a great job xx

  3. Really enjoyed this post, staying at home isn't a walk in the park!
    I am a working Mum (part time) so get the best of both worlds. I often have people say how lovely it must be to get out and have some adult conversation and I'm sure it is. As it happens, I am a Year Two teacher so I wouldn't know!
    And as for the parenting feedback, it sounds to me like your doing a fantastic job :D
    Jade xxx

  4. Being a stay at home Mum is tough. I only manage 2 days a week, and my girls go to nursery the rest of the week. It works well for us that way. I think you're doing amazing being a full time stay at home Mum, as it's a challenge for all the reasons you've put here

  5. All stay at home mums are absolute champions! I did it, then went on to home educate so a double dose. It was amazing, but challenging as you identify. Like any job it's tough at first, you have to find your community, and remember to do things for you too. Build your own pursuits, even if it's just reading whilst your kids play, so that your children gradually grow respect for the fact you are a person too. The hardest part of that task is remembering that you are!! :0