Wednesday 12 February 2020

Can I Share a Secret... Motherhood Doesn't Always Come Naturally

Maybe its the TV shows we watch, the books we read or just this idea we have in our head's about what motherhood looks like that means we put so much pressure on ourselves. The pressure to look good in pregnancy, stay active and the constant reminders to "enjoy every moment". The idea that motherhood just comes naturally as soon as you hold your baby in your arms.

Well I have a little secret to share with you... it's a secret held by many parents but one many don't like to speak about either. Maybe through fear of being judged or the guilt felt from it but it's a secret that needs to be shared!

Motherhood doesn't always come naturally to us mums.

It isn't a switch that is suddenly flipped or a gift that is bestowed upon every single mother. Nope for some mums it doesn't come naturally, it isn't felt straight away and you know what... as a mum who most definitely didn't feel like a natural at motherhood at all, I want to tell you that that's ok!

I remember those first 24 hours after giving birth, I felt lost, alone and scared. I remember the first time my husband left me in that hospital room after giving birth and I felt abandoned with this tiny baby that I had no clue how to care for. I remember desperately wanting to press the bell and ask the midwife for advice, but feeling that pressing that bell was the equivalent of admitting I had already failed less than 24 hours in.

The midwives had assured me they were there to help, to press if I needed anything at all. But there felt like there was this big stigma hanging over my head telling me that I should know exactly what to do and how to do it all for my baby. But the fact is I didn't, heck I wasn't even sure how to put his first nappy on or ow to wind him properly. And after hours of sitting in my room, struggling to do things myself I admitted defeat and pressed for help.

I sobbed as I asked the midwife how to do the most basic of things and do you know what she did?... She hugged me, she listen to be sob and she consoled me. She told me that hardly anyone really knows what they are doing the first time round and as a parent you soon learn how to wing it.

She showed me how to change a nappy, feed, wind and even get baby dressed with some handy little tips in their too. She didn't judge me, she didn't talk down to me instead she supported me and made me realise that motherhood isn't about knowing it all, motherhood isn't an instant feeling or magical power that we all are bestowed with immediately on birth.

No, its something that is learnt... over time! It is something that will creep up on us and we won't even know it is there. It is the wisdom we pass onto other mothers, its the confidence we gain to trust our own choices and decisions. Its the little voice inside our heads that says "you've got this" and pulls you through the darkest, toughest days. Its the tears, the smiles and ultimately the love you feel inside.

So please mums, don't ever be afraid to ask for help. Don't ever feel bad for not feeling like the perfect mum or not knowing what to do. You wouldn't walk into a brand new (very difficult job) with no training what so ever and know exactly what to with no experience or training would you? So please don't feel this way when you take on the most difficult job role of all "parenthood"!

So mums, motherhood doesn't always come naturally or straight away but lets not make it a big secret anymore. Lets embrace our journey through parenthood for all its stages and lets lit up, empower and support other mums (and dad's) wherever they are on their journey too.



  1. I totally got that feeling too when I gave birth to Jack - Steve had to go home even though we'd got the private room, I had an infection and I felt so lost and alone in those first few hours.

  2. It's so important to have people around you that are supportive during and after childbirth, particularly medical professionals. I knew one woman who was having a hard time breast feeding for medical reasons and the nurses judged here for not. Unacceptable. We as a society need to not judge others.

  3. This is going to be such an amazing post for many people - I think people assume their is a switch and when it doesn't flip I am sure it can be so scary and overwhelming.

  4. Motherhood is so hard and there seems to be a constant pressure to be the best at everything or we aren't good enough. I think sometimes it helps to take a step back and remember that 1. you've just given birth and 2. although your friends may seem perfect on social media, they only post the good.

  5. This is such a touching post for me to read, as a mother of two (Girl & Boy). I've known what you've been through and that moments is very special. Loved that you've shared this to us.

  6. This is a wonderful post that I think many Mum's will resonate with. I remember feeling so alone when I had my eldest not helped by being 18.

  7. This is a message that really needs sharing more - it can come as a real shock when you first hold your own baby!

  8. This is definitely something that needs to be shared more . My friend struggled so much when she had her little one and felt awful for not automatically feeling the love . We are all different