Invisible Mum

When I first fell pregnant I was just 18, it certainly wasn't a planned pregnancy and I was in full time work and living the life of any other 18 year old.

Of course when I fell pregnant those boozy nights out with friends stopped and as my growing bump grew and became ever tired I seemed to slip further and further away from my friends. Being just 19 throughout most of my pregnancy meant none of my friends had any children yet, in fact I think it may have been the furthest thing from their mind!

As my pregnancy progressed I began feeling more and more lonely and when I finally finished work for maternity leave, my last point of daily contact to other adults, to my friends ended. At the time I buried my head in to preparing for the arrival of my newborn, setting up a home that we had not long moved in too and nurturing my growing bump. I had convinced myself that once baby was here I would be able to get out more, see friends more and all would return to normal.

This was totally naive from my point and not the case at all. Of course when baby first arrived people came, they wanted to meet baby and offered advice and help and reassured me they would be there if I needed anything. As most mums will know after that initial"new baby rush" of visitors they begin to thin out, people return to their normal lives and you are left alone trying to adapt to having a new baby and becoming a mum.

I was scared, I felt alone and whilst I had my husband he was at work a lot of the time and the friends I thought would stick around had pretty much forgotten about us. I knew that whilst I could still stay in contact with my old friends they were now leading a different lifestyle to me, following a different path to me and my baby.

I had read and seen all of those stories about mum groups and meeting for coffees and play dates, mums nights out and this amazing support network which I assumed would just happen, it doesn't! Attending mum and baby groups is of course a great way to start in making new friends but these can be daunting and scary too and it doesn't just happen. I suffered with post-natal depression with my first baby which made going to groups even harder, a lot of days I didn't want to leave the house and when I did I just didn't have the confidence to throw myself into groups and conversations to make friends.

I quickly got disheartened when I would see groups of mums together and would feel I didn't really fit and its hard to feel confident especially when you are juggling a newborn and still finding your feet as a parent. It took time but I soon realised it was better just to be myself rather than trying to be the friend I thought everyone wanted to be. I took time away from others to become confident in my parenting and in myself and then went back to groups with a new attitude. Most people who attend these groups are just like you they join them to make friends, they probably have questions and worries just like you. Be yourself and relax us mums need to stick together on what can already be a very lonely journey.

I have been so lucky this second time round in that I have found some lovely friends who are parents themselves and it really does make all the difference. Knowing I have friends to turn to who know exactly what I am rambling on about when I talk about no sleep, cleaning wotsits from the carpet and the colour of poo and not think i have gone mad!

Being a parent is tough and its not all plain sailing and play dates, its hard but there is a light at the end of the tunnel we just have to want to see it. Don't put to much pressure on yourself to make friends just be yourself, those who are worth being friends with will accept you for exactly who you are sleep deprived rants and all.

Did you find it difficult to make friends when you first became a mum? Any tips or advice for new mums?

xXx

My reality of being a stay at home parent.

Before I start I would just like to say this isn't a post about bashing a person about the way they parent. It isn't a post about which way is best it is just my thoughts as a stay at home mum! As mums we all make decisions that are best for our families at the time whether it be staying at home or going to work.

From the outside it may look like I have it pretty good. My husband goes off to work whilst I get to stay home and look after the kids.

I have all that precious time with my babies and don't get my wrong I feel so truly blessed to be able to have that time and that connection with them. However its not all days at the park and sunshine, sometimes I feel totally lost in my world of being "mum". My days are often ruled my meal times, nap times, tantrums and school runs and whilst it is extremely rewarding it can be lonely sometimes too.

I miss the conversation with actual adults, now don't get me wrong I do see other adults, I have conversations with other adults. However these are usual "play dates" with our children and our conversations are more rants about how little sleep we have had as we try and dislodge our child from the ball pit they have become stuck in at the soft play, or a half-hearted conversation which can barely be heard over the screams of your over tired, possibly hungry child.

I am also always wondering whether I am doing a good enough job! This may sound silly but at work if your doing well or not so well you get told and you know about it, you can put it right and get back on track. However being a stay at home mum means I don't really have that reassurance which certainly makes way for the insecurity and doubt in my parenting abilities. Sometimes I just want someone to tell me im doing OK or my children are right on track.

Being a stay at home mum can be lonely! Whilst I am sure people have visions of us stay at home mums visiting parks and soft plays in large groups all having a coffee and a get together that's really not very realistic, well for me anyway. In the early days I spent most of my days in the house, alone and counting down the hours til my husband got home from work just for a bit of company.

Of course don't get me wrong I adore being able to be at home with my children, watching them hit their milestones and being able to watch them grow and I am extremely grateful for that, it can be and really is so rewarding. I have met some fantastic other mummy friends and if I could give anyone one bit of advice it would be to push yourself to get out to baby groups/ parenting meet ups etc, you will be surprised at how much better you can feel talking to other mums and realising you are not alone in how you feel.

I just want people to realise its not always as good as what it may seem. Being a stay at home mum can be a lonely, daunting and stressful job too!.

Are you a stay at home mum? Do you have any tips for other mums?

xXx

Sharing some advice for new mums.

I was just 19 when I had my first baby James and boy was I scared. I had no clue what I was doing and when they handed me my tiny baby boy I felt clueless to the situation and the pain and 18 hour labour certainly didn't help towards that clueless haze I was in.

After a sleepless night at the hospital my husband came to collect me in the morning and after a quick check over and a bit of paper work we were signed out of the hospital, handed our baby in his new car seat and sent on our merry way. Im pretty sure as soon as we stepped out of the hospital doors both me and my husband looks at each other in the hope that the other knew what to do with this baby we had just been handed!

(James just a few hours old!)

It was all going to be this giant learning curve and new adventure for us both in which we would have to learn as we went, pick up new skills and adjust to life as parents. Being quite young not many of our friends had babies which made the journey even harder as it felt like we didn't have many people to turn to for advice, we soon both learnt our own parents were invaluable for such advice!

Now as a mum of 2 I am most certainly still learning, still adjusting and still often turn to my mum or other friends with babies for advice. However I have learnt a few things on the way and so today I thought I would share a few of those thoughts with you, so here they are.

• When you first come home don't feel like you have to allow everyone round to visit straight away. Its ok to say no and its ok to need some time to bond and recover as a family. Its so easy to feel pressured into feeling like you must let everyone round as soon as you are home but that's not the case and people will understand that you need some time to settle home. 

• Check out your local area for mum and baby groups or sessions as these can be a great way to meet new mums and get out and about. Sometimes being a new mum can feel quite lonely so meeting others who are going through the same thing as you can be an easy way to meet lots of mums in one place. If you have a local Sure Start centre these often run baby groups such as baby massage, mum and baby groups, young mum groups and stay and play sessions.

• Pyjama days are fine, whilst going out to baby groups and play dates is a great way to meet new mums and get out and about its also ok to admit that some times you just need a day to yourself. It can be a lovely opportunity to just spend some one to one time with you and your little one with no pressure to get ready and be out and about and organised.

• Don't be afraid to tell doctors/ midwives or health visitors exactly how you are feeling! When I had James I knew something wasn't right with the way I was feeling but I was so worried that if I told someone they would try and take my baby away that I didn't say anything. Eventually my husband persuaded me to speak to a doctor who said I had mild post natal depression and offered lots of help, support and advice. These people are there to help and support not judge or intimidate so please do feel like you can talk to them if you need to, they won't know whats wrong or be able to help if you don't. 

• Don't feel guilty for taking some "me time", your a mum and a human not a robot and we all need a little time to ourselves to recoup and sleep (mostly sleep lol!). I used to feel so guilty about even leaving James for a few hours with my mum, it felt like I wasn't doing what I was suppose to and I was in some way failing by letting someone else care for him. Now I can look back that was most certainly not the case and by giving myself some me time I could be a better mum to my baby as I was more relaxed, had caught up on sleep and had managed some time being me rather than "mum". 

• Try not to compare your babies milestones to everyone else's baby. Its so easy to get lured in to comparing your baby to others of similar age and then worrying if they are different. How much milk are they having, how many teeth, are they walking, sitting, crawling, do they sleep through the night are questions I am sure we all ask and so will many other mums. Whilst its great to compare stages and milestones for a bit of fun please don't worry if your baby is different, all babies develop and learn at different rates so unless you feel there is something seriously wrong try not to worry. 

Most of enjoy your baby! They certainly don't stay little for long and before you know it they are heading of for school and you are left wondering where your little non sleeping milky monster went and how time went so fast! 

Do you have any top tips to share for new mums?

Please do share below in the comments I would love to hear them. 

xXx

Mothers Day gifts from Getting Personal.

I am sure you are all aware that Mothers day is only a few weeks away (15th March!). For me personally its the small, inexpensive and personalised gifts that mean the most to me. I love things that are personal to me and my family and show that real thought has gone in to it. 

But just because gifts are personalised it doesn't mean they have to cost the earth! I recently came across the website GettingPersonal.co.uk and they offer some fantastic gift ideas for all occasions, including Mothers Day. 

Getting Personal are one the leading online gift shops specialising in personalised gifts and cards. Getting Personal understand how tricky it can be to find a unique present for a loved one, so they pride themselves in offering original gift ideas, many of which are designed and produced exclusively in-house by the fantastic Getting Personal team. 

Check out some of these lovely Mothers day gifts I discovered on their website. 

If your mum is a big tea/ coffee drinker then she may well enjoy this personalised mug. You can add a name of your choice and even choose an option for the mug to only reveal the text beneath when hot water is poured in to it. A fun inexpensive gift priced at just £9.99 or £12.99 for the heat changing mug.

These personalised engraved slate signs are sturdy and made from natural slate. The sign features the words "Best Ever Mum" and can also be personalised with a short message beneath. The slate sign also features a cute engraved heart design. These are priced at £12. and that includes personalisation. 

Who doesn't like a good biscuit!? especially with a nice cup of tea or hot chocolate. So what better gift than this lovely floral biscuit tin complete with a personalised message. This beautiful tin is also filled with 100g of shortbread and 100g of cookies. I can vouch for the biscuits tasting delicious and even after the biscuits inside are all gone you can reuse the tin time and time again. Priced at £14.99 this included a name + short message. 

You can't go wrong with chocolate so adding a personalised message just for your mum makes this sweet treat even sweeter. The funky union jack design to the front is made up of lovely bright colours and you can add 2 messages, 1 to the front perhaps a name and 1 to the back. These are priced at £8.99 which included all of the personalisation. 

Do you like personalised gifts? Why not check out the full range on offer on the Getting Personal website here - www.gettingpersonal.co.uk.

xXx

* I was not paid for this review. All opinions given are my own.

* If you would like me to review your product or service, please email me on xJessLegresleyx@hotmail.com.