Coping with an Age Gap!

There is an almost 5 year age gap between James and Evelyn with James being the oldest at 6 and a half and Evelyn almost 2. 

I didn't plan to have such an age gap in fact I didn't really plan at all. I fell pregnant with James when I was just 18 and whilst unexpected I now wouldn't change him for the world! Being so young made me realise I didn't want to rush in to having more kids just because of an age gap. I wanted to wait until I was ready, until I felt ready to make that big leap in to becoming a mum of 2. 

It took us quite a while to conceive Evelyn when we finally decided we were ready, which also widened the gap between them and when she eventually came along it was the summer before James was due to start Primary school. 

Of course with James being a little older it was nice that he could understand a little more about the fact he was going to become a big brother and he was so excited to meet his new baby sister. I worried the whole time I was pregnant though about him feeling pushed out, it had been just him for so long how would he feel about sharing me. 

When Evelyn came along James was amazing with her, he couldn't wait to meet her and was so gentle and protective over her whenever he was around. You could just tell how proud he was at being a big brother which did make me feel much better about the situation. We also always made sure we made some time that he have one on one time with just us when Evelyn was in bed so he knew he still had our attention too which definitely helped. 

I am not going to lie though having the age gap is tough especially now at this sort of age. Evelyn is at an age where she wants to be involved in everything everyone else is doing, mostly her brother! Whereas James wants a bit of Independence he is much older and doesn't want to play the baby games that Evelyn is able to do. As a parent its trying to waiver on that thin line between encouraging them to play together and letting them have their own time and space. 

For example we went to a soft play a few days ago, this posed another problem. The soft play centres James likes are huge, high and pretty dangerous for Evelyn, of course they have baby sections but Evelyn doesn't want to be in those if James isn't. However the soft play's that are suitable for Evelyn are much to babyish for James who then bores easily in them. Such a simple thing such as soft play becomes a nightmare of feeling like someone if missing out, its toughie but we have managed to find a few places that meet in the middle and keep them both happy. 

James is also at school now and with school comes after school clubs including swimming clubs and Beaver scouts. I do feel for Evelyn a little and she often gets carted along to these as her dad is at work and I have to take James. As there is such an age gap none of these clubs are suitable for Evelyn which means she is often bored and spends more time than I would like her to in the pushchair whilst we watch or wait around for James. 

Of course there are perks to the age gap too. As James is older is easier to explain to him about why we have to do things. He helps play with Evelyn so I can do the washing up and watching him be so protective over her is so beautiful. Evelyn dotes on her big brother which is so wonderful and I think this is partly because hes that bit older than her and she looks up to him. 

I have found there doesn't seem to be as much arguing between them either. Perhaps because the toys Evelyn has James doesn't want and the toys James has Evelyn doesn't know how to use! I am certain the arguing with come later though and of course they do still argue usually over food or bed time! 

People ask would I change the age gap and my simply answer is no! Yes its hard, really hard sometimes actually but I definitely didn't feel ready for another when James was younger and I am glad I didn't push myself to have another just for a small age gap. I think for me I feel it would have been even harder with 2 when I wasn't mentally prepared for another child than it is with a bigger age gap. 

Whilst there are tough days there are amazing days too though! James is adorable with his sister when they are getting on and watching him teach her and her intently listening fills me with pride. Knowing that she has a brother that little bit older to guide her through the world with that little bit of extra knowledge behind him makes me love them both a little more. 

When people ask the question "whats the best age gap?" my answer is there is no "perfect" age gap. With any age gap will come hard days and situations as well as positives. You just have to do what feels right for you and your family. 

xXx

Evelyn - 14 Months Old.

Evelyn is now 14 months old and when describing her one word spring to mind.... DIVA!

This little lady knows what she wants and she wants it NOW!

Im pretty sure having James and him being such a calm, chilled out and relaxed baby set me up for a serious fall when Evelyn came along. It was like sitting on a calm beach where you had spent the last 5 years just chilling out, enjoying the sun and living life at your own pace them BAM a massive tornado just sweeps in and shakes your whole world around, yep that was Evelyn arriving lol.

Ok Ok so I may be exaggerating a little above but she is so much harder than James was, Evelyn is in to everything and I mean everything well everything except her toys and things she is actually allowed to touch. Her particular favourites include pulling out TV cables, attempting to eat her brothers LEGO, opening every cupboard in the kitchen and dangling off the stair gate!

Evelyn recently had her 1 year check (at 13months old) with the health visitor and they were very happy with her progress. She is right on target with her development and they had no concerns or need to see her again unless I wanted to get her weighed at clinic. She weighed in at a huge 26lbs but also measured in at a rather tall 81.5cm and so is apparently perfectly proportioned.

Oh and did I mention we now have a WALKER!!! Yes this past month Evelyn has been growing in confidence and initially with a little help from us began to stand alone and then take a few shaky steps between me and her dad. Fast forward a few weeks and she was doing it all by herself and now you can stop her, the first sign of trouble to be had or an escape to be made and she is on her feet and off she goes.

Her vocabulary is still quite limited as she only really says dada, mama and dog but she has her own ways of communicating with us through pointing etc so she still certainly knows how to get what she wants. .

The last 14 months has gone by so quickly and I cant believe my little baby isn't really a baby anymore, more a confident independent toddler with a total diva attitude. I am loving watching her grow and she seems to learn something new every day at the moment. Her relationship with her brother James is still just as strong as the day she came home and they still sit and play together most days. James really enjoyed reading to her and Evelyn is always the first one to get a hug and kiss when James come out of school each day!

(Jumping over the waves on holiday last week!)

I am feeling truly lucky to be able to watch these to grow even if they do drive me up the wall sometimes!

xXx

Becoming a mummy of 2!

Before I had Evelyn I spent every day wondering how I would cope with 2 children. The logistics of it, how I would cope, there's only 1 of me and 2 of them that will be soon demanding my attention 24/7. I worked myself up in to a frenzy of worry whilst pregnant with all of these scenarios in my head of how I was going to fail at being a mummy of 2.

When Evelyn arrived those thoughts briefly left my mind James was besotted by his new baby sister and all Evelyn did was sleep (oh those were the days!). That was until she began becoming more alert, awake and demanding! 

When Evelyn reached around the 4 month mark she began being really alert, wanting to look round and explore her surroundings. At this point we also reached the clingy, I want to be carried all the time stage. This was when the "fun" began. Then when she learnt to crawl at around 8 months it became a whole new challenge!

I am not going to lie being a mum of 2 with a 5 year age gap between them is hard. James wants to play with all his small toys such as Lego and Transformers whilst Evelyn just wants to eat whatever James is playing with (despite having a whole tub of her own toys!). 

Of course my time does quite often have to be shared and sometimes I simply can't do something. For example if we go to the park and James wants me to go climbing around the park with him, I cant just leave Evelyn in her pushchair on her own so he has to go and climb without me. Now he understands that mummy can't always do everything he asks he is much more understanding of the situation and takes full advantage when daddy comes with us.

We try and ensure that James gets a little bit of 1 to 1 time with either me or his dad to read together or play a game together and just to chat. It means he gets his little be of time with 1 of us without Evelyn crying or requiring our attention. In that time our attention is 100% his!

I also found investing in things such as a Bumbo seat or Jumperoo/ baby walker means that baby can be placed down for short periods of time leaving you with your hands free to get on with other things whilst baby is safe and often entertained.

Sometimes it does mean that Evelyn has to whinge a little longer because I cannot just jump up and abandon what I am doing because she wants picking up. I have 2 babies and splitting my time fairly is part of my job now.

Would I change it.... NO! Ok so there are moments when I could rip my hair out and lock myself in a small cupboard until my husband gets home, but the good times far out weigh those moments. Seeing them sit down together and James teaching Evelyn how to work different toys, whilst she stares at him intently taking everything in melts my heart. 

Just thinking of them growing up together, learning from each other and knowing they have each other makes me smile every time. 

So if like me you have those 2nd baby worries just try and remember that whilst there will be times when things are tough and when you feel like all your worries were right this moment in time is a short one and soon they will be growing up. Yes the bickering and arguing will inevitably continuing, probably forever but the good times will always out weigh the bad. 

Whilst having Evelyn meant our life became a little more crazy, a little more hectic and a little more noisy. It also meant our lives were filled with a few more smiles, a lot more laughter and double the love and that totally makes it worth it!

Do you have any advice on becoming a parent of 2 or more children? Please do share below.

xXx

Evelyn 9 Month update!

9 Months seemed like forever whilst I was pregnant but it seems like the 9 months Evelyn has been here has flown by!

My baby girl turned 9 months old today and if I am honest it doesn't seem real! How did this happen I can still remember the night I brought her home yet it seems like all her milestones have gone by in the blink of an eye. 

Evelyn is now a confident, smiley, happy little lady who is most definitely a mummy's girl. She loves cuddles and especially loves her weekly classes at Jolly Babies. She is a little lazy though and still doesn't crawl or pull her self to standing. She has mastered some sort of backwards worm/ army crawl and can move at speed backwards, although this does result in her getting frustrated when the object she is trying to reach gets further away! 

James and Evelyn are still just as close which is lovely to watch. James will quite happily sit on the floor and play and sing to her whilst she relishes in sitting and watching him and giggling away. I really cannot wait until Evelyn is toddling along and they can enjoy some adventures outside together. 

As far as eating is concerned Evelyn is the equivalent to the human hoover she will eat anything and everything as we are now just down to 2 bottles (1 morning, 1 bedtime). She has her 3 meals during the day plus snacks and is getting on really well with eating what we eat. Her favourite snacks at the moment are the Organix crisps and the Kiddilicious wafers and of course the occasional rusk! She also now has 5 teeth so chomping has been made much easier by the addition of these! 

Oh and Evelyn's latest cheeky games involve her ripping of her sock and shimmying around with it in her mouth if you attempt to remove the sock she results to full diva tantrum mode....

and impersonating a Koala when in her door bouncer (yes she even tries to shimmy up the door frame lol!)

Everyday I appreciate how lucky I am to have 2 happy (well when there aren't throwing a tantrum lol) and healthy babies even if they are cheeky. I consider myself one very lucky mummy!

xXx